Bored at the Lab
by bauerfreak
Summary: The girls of the lab are really bored one Friday night. Find out what they do about it! My first attempt at humor! Ensemble with a pinch of Snickers.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay, so this idea just popped into my head – I got the idea from another TV show's fanfic, but all the scenarios are made up by me for CSI. I know this is probably totally unethical dealing with crime and death and such, but I just had to do it. Let me know what you think, and I don't know a whole lot about the CSI language, so cut me some slack, please! Enjoy! Please review!

"Is it just me, or does work really suck?" Sara asked Catherine in the CSI breakroom one Friday evening. They were sitting around the table along with Mia, passing a bag of potato chips around, bored out of their minds.

"I'm gonna have to go with a yes on that one." Catherine admitted. "If I have to do any more paperwork, I think I'll stab myself."

"If you do that, you'll just create more work for Sara and I, you know." Mia said, stuffing a few chips in her mouth. Mia pondered whether she should do what she was thinking about. What would they think of her? Would they think she was unprofessional? They both seemed to be as sick with boredom as she was, though, so she decided to take the plunge.

"Hey, guys. Let me go get something you might enjoy. I'll be right back." Mia said as she headed for the door.

Catherine and Sara looked at each other. "She's not into watching porn, is she?" Sara questioned in fear. Catherine shrugged with a worried look on her face. Mia returned seconds later with a piece of paper in hand. Cath and Sara breathed a sigh of relief.

"One of my girlfriends passed this on to me. What do you think?" She grinned as her two coworkers took the paper from her, reading it together.

"The office game?" Cath read. She leaned back in and started reading with Sara.

**Play the Office Game – play with all your friends. Most points at the end of two weeks wins, but only if you are still employed.**

**1 POINT:**

**-Run one lap around the office at top speed.**

**-Walk sideways to the photocopier.**

**-Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.**

**-When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug, leaving them with an inch of brew.**

**-Ignore the first 5 people who say 'good morning' to you.**

**-Call someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."**

**-To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.**

**-While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the door opens.**

**3 POINTS:**

**-Babble incoherently at a fellow employee and then ask "Did you get that, I don't want to have to repeat it."**

**-Say to your boss, "I like your style", and shoot him/her with double-barreled fingers.**

**-Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.**

**-Shout random numbers while someone is counting.**

**-Page yourself over the intercom, making no attempt to disguise your voice.**

**5 POINTS:**

**-At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem.**

**-Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.**

**-For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as 'Bob'.**

**-Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do number 2".**

**-After every sentence, say 'mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent.**

**-While an office mate is out, move their chair to the elevator.**

**-In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter 'shut up, all of you just shut up!'**

**-In a colleague's schedule, write in at 10am "See how I look in tights."**

**-Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person – "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."**

**-Tuck one pant leg into your sock and when asked, answer 'not now' and walk away.**

"Mia, this is hilarious!" Sara exclaimed. "I'm totally in!"

"You don't think Grissom would get mad?" she asked.

"Well, I say you get double points for doing it to the bossman." Catherine suggested.

"You're in too?"

"We've gotta get our kicks somehow. This place could use a little shake-up."

"Great! We'll start Monday!" Mia decided.

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**Monday Evening**

"Hey, Sara, I found some shell casings over here." Nick Stokes called to his coworker and girlfriend at a crime scene in the Nevada desert. "You might want to come take a look."

Sara made her way over to where Nick was kneeling on the ground, holding up one of the casings with a pen. They both examined it carefully.

"Looks like a 9 mil." Sara predicted (A/N: I know nothing about guns, cut me some slack).

"There a whole pile of them over there near the second body." Nick said, moving over to where the rest lay. "Let's see…one, two, three, four…"

Nick was cut off. "Forty eight, sixteen, ninety-two, thirty-seven…"

"Sara, what the hell are you trying to do here?" Nick questioned his girlfriend, giving her an odd look. "Are you PMS-ing or something?"

That earned him a smack upside the head, but they continued working.

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Gil Grissom walked into the DNA lab to retrieve the results of a DNA test he had submitted earlier that evening. Mia was currently examining something under the microscope when he entered.

"Do you have the results from the Harper murder case I'm working on?" He asked her plainly.

"Yeah, let me get that for you." Mia carefully started walking sideways towards the printer to retrieve the needed information. She got what she needed from the printer and then walked back sideways once again towards her boss. "Here you go, Gil. The results were negative for your suspect."

Gil peered at her over his glasses with thought.

"Thanks." He turned and walked out of the room, confused.

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Catherine walked down to the coroner's office where Dr. Robbins was just finishing off his autopsy on a missing person case she was working. Dr. Robbins had just paged her and was bent over the corpse when he heard Catherine enter.

Suddenly, he became aware that the lights were being turned on and off rapidly. Slowly, he stood up straight and looked at Catherine in confusion. Finally, she stopped and walked nonchalantly over to the autopsy table.

"So, what's the prognosis, Doc?" Catherine asked him with the straightest face imaginable.

**Tuesday Evening:**

Warrick was taking a much-deserved break from his long evening shift sipping coffee in the breakroom when Mia entered, looking for something to eat.

"Hey, Mia, do you still have that '24 Season 4' DVD set you borrowed from me? Greg wants to borrow it. He's got the hots for that Marianne girl."

"Yeah, mon. I'll get it back to you tomorrow, mon." She told him, retrieving a sandwich from the refrigerator.

Warrick put down his coffee and looked over to where Mia was standing.

"Did you just do a Jamaican accent? And I really bad one, may I add?"

Mia just smiled, briefly looking back at him and walked out of the room.

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"So, you're telling me the DNA from the vic and Mr. Anderson has thirteen alleles in common?" Grissom asked Mia in total surprise.

"They're related." Mia clarified. "In fact…"

The conversation was interrupted when they saw Sara and Catherine bolting past the DNA lab, speeding around the office. Grissom was concerned that something had gone wrong and watched them closely through the glass walls. He saw them come around the other side, Sara slightly ahead of her colleague. As they reached the point they had started, Sara raised her hands in victory, vocally declaring her apparent defeat over Catherine.

"What the…" Grissom started.

Mia snorted in laughter and then tried in vain to cover it up.

"What is going on around here?"

**Wednesday evening:**

"Hey Warrick, we better get going to that crime scene." Greg told his friend as he stopped in front of the locker room. Warrick sat on the bench, looking decidedly down and upset. When Greg saw his current state, he decided to walk over and sit next to him.

"Hey, man. You alright?"

"I…I came into work this morning, and I've been trying to talk to Catherine a little more, right?"

"Yeah, man, you've been trying to get closer to her for years."

"Yeah, so I say hi to her this morning, and she just blatantly ignores me. Didn't even acknowledge I was there." He looked at his friend hopelessly.

"Really? I thought I was going crazy, because she did the same thing to me, too. It's like I didn't exist."

The two men pondered the occurrences together for a few moments.

"What did we do?" Warrick finally asked.

"Do you think it's because we took the Denali yesterday and left them the Tahoe?"

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"Hey, Tammy, do I have any other appointments for the rest of the day?" Nick asked the secretary as he walked by mid-shift.

Tammy typed a few keys at her keyboard, pulling up his appointment schedule on the computer.

"Let's see…it says….huh!" Tammy smirked as she looked at the computer screen.

"What? What's so funny?" Nick questioned.

"It says you have an appointment at 6 a.m. to see how you look in tights." She said, trying not to burst out laughing.

"WHAT!" he practically screamed. "Let me see that!" Nick quickly walked to the other side of the desk and looked at Tammy's computer screen. Sure enough, it said '6 a.m.: See how I look in tights'. "I did NOT write that."

"So I should take it off?"

"Yes! Take it off!" Nick demanded. "Jesus! Who in the hell…"

Nick was interrupted by the loud speaker.

"Mia Dickerson, you're needed in the DNA lab. Mia Dickerson, come to the DNA lab."

Nick looked at Tammy, his brow furrowed. "Was that Mia?"

"I think so." A long pause.

"Did she just page herself?"

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"Okay, so Catherine, Nick, I need you to concentrate on finding out more about the pit boss's background and do a fingerprint search on the two suspects. Sara and Warrick, Ecklie is breathing down my neck, so I need you to process your evidence as soon as you can. Everyone's dismissed." Gil Grissom pushed his chair out from the table and began to stand up, along with everyone else.

"Uh…excuse me, Gil?" Sara stopped him.

"Yes, Sara?"

"I…uh…I had an idea. I think it would be really nice if we started reciting the pledge of allegiance at the end of meetings like this."

Everyone stopped and turned around to look at Sara.

"Come again?" Gil asked, readjusting the files he held in his hand.

"Well, I think we all feel pretty passionate about our jobs. I mean, we really are serving our country each day, and I think it would be good to end each meeting pledging our flag."

Gil didn't quite know what to say, and it showed in the way his mouth gaped open.

Catherine broke the silence.

"Sara, I think that is a GREAT idea!"

Sara nodded in appreciation as they both turned to face the American flag in the room. Together they began.

"I pledge allegiance to the flag…"

The others slowly joined in, mumbling rather than reciting it with heart as the two women standing proudly facing the flag were.

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"See how I look in tights!" Nick exclaimed, demanding answers of the woman pinned beneath him. "Was that your doing?" He asked as he began to tickle her sides on their bed in the Las Vegas apartment they shared.

Sara was laughing uncontrollably as she tried to free herself from her boyfriend's grasp. "Stop! Stop!"

"Then tell me the truth, smartass!" He smiled as he continued.

"Okay! Okay!" She relented. Nick finally stopped his movements and stilled his hands, resting one on her hip and resting his head in the other.

"That was me." She admitted, smiling at the gorgeous man she called her boyfriend.

"I knew that had Sara written all over it. How long have you been wondering how I look in tights?" He asked her, moving his hand to her backside and pinching it softly.

"Nick, please. Don't flatter yourself. I don't think about you THAT much, and definitely not in that way."

"I know you have fantasies about me all the time." Nick teased, leaning down to press a soft kiss to her lips. Sara rolled her eyes. "I saw that. And what has gotten into you lately? Messing me up at crime scenes, wanting to do the pledge of allegiance at the end of meetings? Did you switch from coffee to crack or something?"

"You couldn't be farther from the truth." Sara told him.

"Then tell me." He pushed.

"Uh-uh." She said childishly.

"Then it looks like I'm going to have to do a little coaxing." Nick smiled as he started moving his left hand up and down her side where it had been resting.

"That's not going to work." She told him, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, yeah? Well maybe this will." He said huskily as he leaned down, brushing his lips ever so lightly over hers. Nick pressed baby kisses to the top of her mouth, slowly torturing her. He could tell she was trying not to respond to him, but he could soon feel her lips begin to move against his. The kiss became more passionate and he began to trace circles around her belly button with his thumb as his fingers gripped her side tightly. Tracing her bottom lip with his tongue, he sought entrance to her mouth and it was granted easily. Nick worked his tongue in her mouth, gently stroking hers in long, wet kisses. He continued his sensual attack on her mouth as his hand started to snake up underneath her shirt. Nick heard the tiniest gasp as his hand made contact with the bottom of her breast. Urged on by her sounds, he slowly cupped the soft mound in his palm, kneading it slowly just the way she liked.

Nick pulled back from the kiss and looked into Sara's eyes, burning with desire for him. As his fingers closed over her most sensitive spot, she moaned and pushed her head back harder against the pillow. "Nicky…" she pleaded.

"Do you like that?" He asked in a low growl.

"God, yes."

Nick abruptly pulled his hand out from under her shirt and stopped all his ministrations.

"Nicky!" Sara complained. Nick sat up and scooted his body up to the headboard, crossing his arms.

"If you want to experience act two, you better get talking about what the hell you're trying to pull." He smiled and looked over at her.

"Nick, that is so mean! That would be like me going down…"

"Well, this isn't about me. You and Catherine and Mia are up to something and I wanna know about it."

If she didn't tell him, it wasn't a big deal in his mind. He was just playing with her. And, oh, how he could play.

Sara couldn't ignore the feeling that had been forming in the pit of her stomach. Her need for Nick. Her desire to feel his hands on her; his lips; his tongue.

"Sara?" He prompted her again. "Are you gonna tell me, or will I have to continue my torture?"

Sara moaned and gripped the sheets in anger. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face Nick.

"Well, we were all really bored last Friday…"

TBC if you like….


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Wow, guys! I was so excited to get so many reviews for chapter one – you made me giggle like a little girl. I was having trouble figuring out how to end this – I hope it doesn't suck too much! Also, I didn't actually sit down and calculate the points, so please don't get point-Nazi with me. : ) Without further ado, here is the second and final part! Please review and let me know what you thought.

"Hey guys!" Sara greeted Catherine and Mia overenthusiastically, giving them a timid wave. The other two women sat at the break room table one week into their office game contest. They agreed to meet that Friday to add up points and talk about who was in the lead.

"Hey, Sara." Mia greeted her back. "Have you done anything else in the past couple of hours to add to your score?"

Sara laughed nervously. "Yeah, about that. We may have a little problem."

Both women looked up at Sara, who made eye contact with the ground.

"A problem?" Catherine repeated. "Does Ecklie have us figured out?" Her eyes widened.

"No, no. It's just that…"

"What Sara?" Mia prompted.

"I may have accidentally told Nick what we were doing."

"Accidentally? How does that happen on accident?"

"He was…" It sounded so stupid to her now. "He was TOUCHING me and threatening to stop if I didn't…"

"Oh my God!" Catherine screeched. "You are SUCH a horny pushover! He slips you the tongue and you cave!"

Sara started to defend herself without thinking. "Okay, YOU make out with him and then try to keep even the tiniest secret to yourself."

Catherine and Mia both gave her a disgusted look.

"Okay…so, don't ACTUALLY do that. I'd kick your ass. But his hand was on my…"

"ALRIGHT SARA!" Catherine stopped her. "We get the picture. Thank you for that mental image."

"So Nick's out for tricks." Mia clarified.

"He thinks we're all nutcases, but he agreed to support us if necessary."

Mia made some final calculations on her paper. "Okay, so here's the score after one week. Catherine in third with seven points. I'm in second with eight, and Sara, you're in the lead with nine."

Sara raised her hands and gave a soft "Yes!" Ever so the competitive one. Just then, Nick entered the break room and grabbed her sides suddenly, making her jump and scream.

"Jesus, Nick!" She complained, turning around to face him.

"Well, if it isn't the three stooges." He said, getting a cup of coffee.

"We know you know." Mia told him.

Nick glanced back from pouring himself coffee.

"And now I know that you know that I know." He riddled.

"Nick, you're such a loser." Sara told him.

"And what does that make you? You're crazy about this loser."

"We may have to go higher up now that Nick's out." Catherine suggested. "One less idiot to toy with."

"Who's the biggest idiot in the building?" Mia contemplated out loud.

"Ecklie." They replied in unison.

**Week Two:**

**Monday evening**

Hodges' shift was just ending and he was packing up to head on home, waiting for Mia to come in and take over for the night shift. Finally, she arrived, looking a little rushed.

"Sorry I'm late. Car trouble." She told him, shedding off her purse and reaching for her lab coat.

"Not a problem. Grissom's waiting for the results on the drug tox for the Harper case. He'll probably be over to check in…." His voice trailed off.

"Mia?" He questioned the girl as she bent over and began to drink directly from the nozzle on the water cooler sitting in the corner.

Mia took a few more gulps and then stood up, taking a deep breath and wiping a little water from her cheek where it had trickled down.

"I was thirsty." She simply explained.

"We have cups right next to…"

"Not now, David, not now!"

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Nick, Warrick, and Sara walked confidently into the MGM Grand Casino floor later on Monday evening. They'd just gotten a call about multiple possible OD's on the 19th floor. The three young CSI's met the casino manager and his entourage on the first floor.

"Are you the CSI people?" The older man asked.

"I'm Nick Stokes. This is Sara Sidle and Greg Sanders. We're here to investigate some possible drug overdoses you called about."

"Yeah. A group of college kids here on their spring break. A real mess they made of that place…"

The man continued to talk on and on and Greg began to notice Sara putting a hand to her forehead, seemingly frustrated with the manager.

"Shut up!" she muttered, and she started to slap herself on the forehead. "All of you just shut up! Shut up!" She continued. Greg eyed Nick, telling him to get control of his girlfriend. The manager and his crew were trying to ignore her antics, but anyone could tell they were getting a little freaked.

Nick looked over and quickly put his arm around her.

"You'll have to excuse my sister, sir. She's a little schizo, and the medication hasn't quite been working like we hoped." He quickly steered her off to a corner, leaving Greg to finish off with the manager.

"Jesus, Sara! What do you think you're doing? I thought this little contest of yours was with the CSI's only."

"Hey, you're the one who was driving me crazy until I told you what was going on. We've got one less person to dick around with, so we have to get a little more creative! And I'm in the lead. Don't blow it."

Nick couldn't help but chuckle at how seriously she was taking this contest.

"You are a piece of work, you know that? If you get me fired, you're not getting any for a week."

Sara snorted. "Yeah, right, cowboy. You couldn't last two days. Besides, I've got a special friend that takes double A's that could EASILY replace you."

"What floor, sir?" Greg asked.

"The nineteenth." The manager told him.

"Okay, we'll show ourselves up. And sorry about….that." He quickly turned on his heels and went over to where Nick and Sara were standing.

"You okay, Sara?"

"Yeah, why would you think I wasn't?"

"Well, uh, the smacking of the head and telling yourself to shut up…"

"Let's get going!" She announced happily as they all boarded the elevator. Silently, they began to rise up. On the fifth floor, the elevator stopped.

Sara gasped loudly as the door opened. "It's like a whole new floor!"

Nick couldn't help but burst out laughing, but quickly wiped the smirk off his face. Greg looked at both of them curiously, but they continued to look straight ahead. The ride resumed, and then it stopped again on the ninth floor. As the door opened, Sara gasped loudly again. And on the eleventh floor. And the fourteenth. And the nineteenth.

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**Tuesday evening**

"Would you like to talk now, Catherine?" A voice stopped Catherine Willows as she walked down the hallway at CSI with her boss, Gil Grissom. She spun around the face Judy, one of her fellow coworkers that she ran across occasionally.

"Excuse me?"

"It was you, wasn't it? You called me earlier, and as soon as I answered you said you couldn't talk now."

Catherine could feel her boss's eyes looking questioningly at her and she tried to think fast.

"It must have been Catherine Billows who called you. From swing shift." She quickly made up to avoid questions from her boss. "Try her."

"Who?"

"Sorry, gotta run!" She said as she started to make a run for it, pulling Gil with her.

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Greg Sanders rushed out of the doors of the breakroom and stopped, looking both ways, then letting out what could only be described as a girlish scream. In his hand, he held a Styrofoam cup that was, minutes before, filled to the top with his favorite Blue Hawaiian Coffee. He'd gone to the restroom and now only an inch of brew was left at the bottom. He searched around frantically for the culprit.

After a couple of minutes, he found his way into the DNA lab. Touched to the lips of the beautiful Mia was a cup of coffee, and from what his keen nose could smell, it was his Blue Hawaiian. Mia looked over at him as he entered the room. She made sounds with her mouth, trying to taste the coffee fully. When she was done, she made a disgusted face.

"You….you….my…." Greg tried. No one touched his coffee.

"Ugh! Gag me with a maggot! This stuff tastes like puke, Greg. Gourmet my ass!" She threw the remaining coffee into the trash can, leaving Greg speechless and gaping.

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Conrad Ecklie walked down the hallway to his office, noticing a loud sound coming from within. As he got closer, he realized it was the sound of a vacuum running. He'd never run into the janitors before in his office, but he figured if he went inside, he would probably get the clue and leave. The director was surprised to see the back of Catherine Willows sweeping away at the floor of his office around his desk. As she turned, she noticed her boss standing there with crossed arms and a confused look on his face. She switched the vacuum off.

"Oh, hey Bob!" She greeted him. Ecklie turned around to see if anyone else was with him. Seeing they were alone, he stammered his response a little, not knowing what to say.

"Uh…hello Catherine." He paused. "Can I ask what you're doing?"

"A clean room is a happy room, Bob. I'm just doing all I can to help the lab." She explained, dead serious. Catherine picked up the vacuum and proceeded to head out the door. "By the way, I like your style." She pointed at him with double-barreled fingers and pretended to shoot him, giving him a wink. "That sweater vest hugs you in just the right places."

He glanced down at his decidedly boring attire. "Umm….thanks?"

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**Wednesday evening**

The team was gathered in the break room going over a triple homicide, trying to piece clues together. Papers and crime scene photos were spread all over the table as they all threw their findings and ideas out.

"We still don't have a motive for the girlfriend." Gil said.

"Actually, I found that she had secretly been seeing an ex-boyfriend for about a month. Maybe she was sick of her new boyfriend, wanted him out of the way?"

"Sara, didn't you find some semen evidence on the bedsheets?" Grissom questioned.

"Yes, and I had Mia process it along with DNA samples from both males."

"I found evidence of both males' semen in the bedsheets, both fresh." Mia explained, getting up and going to the clear board. "In fact, the ex's semen appeared in almost twice as many samples from the bed as the current boyfriend's." She said, writing some figures on the board.

"She had it bad for the ex." Greg clarified.

"Yes, it would seem that way." Mia agreed, putting a cap on the marker she was using. "Now, if you would excuse me, I really have to go do number two. I'll be back in ten…oooh…better make it fifteen."

Sara, Nick and Catherine had to bite their lips to keep from laughing, and the others all looked puzzled and grossed out as the DNA technician left the room.

Just then, Conrad Ecklie walked in, un-needed but wanted to feel important.

"Hey gang!" He tried, but no one seemed to warm to him as usual. "Did you find any new evidence in the triple homicide?

No one seemed to want to answer, so Catherine finally jumped in.

"We were just comparing some semen evidence with the DNA from two of her male companions. There are contributions from both."

"So, you've established a possible motive."

"Yes, possibly." Sara clarified. "Can I talk to you a moment in private, Conrad?"

"Certainly." Sara stood up and they both went out to the hallway, leaving the others to discuss the case. "What can I do for you, Sara?"

'Jump off the top of the roof.' She thought to herself.

Sara leaned in close to Ecklie, like she wanted to let him in on a secret. He tilted his ear towards her to hear better. Sara then started speaking to him in jibberish, making up nonsense words as she went, occasionally throwing in a little profession-related jargon so he might think he was mishearing the rest of it.

"Did you get that, Ecklie, I don't want to have to repeat it." She said impatiently, turning to go back into the breakroom.

Sara smirked inwardly as she turned back to see an exasperated Conrad Ecklie. Mr. Big Bossman had no idea what was going on, as usual.

"I….yeah. Thanks for the information, Sara. Good work." He tried to cover up.

"Great. Call me as soon as you find out the results. I need to know ASAP."

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Gil Grissom returned to his office after a long shift on Friday morning. He was heading towards his desk when Sara Sidle's voice caused him to turn around.

"Hey, Gil, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Certainly." He said. "In fact, I wanted to talk to you too. Do you think Mia's been acting a little strange lately?"

"Huh?" She asked stupidly. Had he figured them out?

"I've been getting all kinds of reports about her doing weird things, like…drinking from the nozzle of the water cooler? Paging herself over the loud speaker? Have you noticed anything?"

Sara shook her head slowly. "No. I…I…uh. Well, you know those DNA people. I don't know how many times Greggo freaked me out."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." He said, starting to back up towards his desk again. "What was it that you wanted to talk to me about?

"Oh, right." She said nervously. "It's, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

Gil looked at her questioningly. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. It was just something from an old case. No big deal."

"Okay. If you want to, my door's open."

Sara turned to leave and Gil smiled to himself. She could be something else. He started walking backwards towards his desk as he was deeply engrossed in the paperwork in his hands. As he reached the spot where his chair normally sat, he squatted down. He realized too late that there was nothing there for him to sit on, and he went tumbling backwards onto his behind.

"Sidle!"

Just then, Greg walked in, wheeling in a swivel chair.

"Hey, boss?" He called. Gil managed to pick himself up off the floor, his ego bruised more than his behind. "What are you doing down there?"

"What is it, Greg?"

"I found this in the elevator. I thought it looked like yours." Greg gave the chair a push and it stopped just before Gil's feet.

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**Sara and Nick's apartment, Friday night**

"Sara, Sara, Sara, I cannot believe you are still employed, missy." Nick admitted as they snuggled on the couch. Sara was laying on the couch, her legs propped up in Nick's lap.

"Well, you misunderestimate my charm, Stokes. Who could fire a sweet thing like myself?" She smiled.

"You are damn lucky Grissom's got it bad for you, Sidle." He ran his hand up and down her leg, smiling. "And with all that crap you pulled, you didn't even win."

"I know." She pouted her lips. "And I even made Grissom fall on his ass. I should get triple points for that! Catherine got extra points for doing all that stuff to Ecklie. She told him he looked good in his sweater vest. I have to hand that one to her."

"What, Ecklie in a sweater vest doesn't get you hot?" He teased.

"No more than thinking about you in tights." She jabbed back, shifting her foot so she grazed him in the most sensitive area.

"Oh! Now that's gonna cost you."

"How's that?"

Instead of answering with words, Nick leaned down and brushed his lips with hers. The couple spent the next couple of minutes sensually exploring each others' mouths, only the gentle, soft smacking sound of their lips filling the air. Nick slowly reached down and ran a hand over her breast.

"Hey, that's how you almost got me disqualified from this, loser. If I had still been able to pull tricks on you, I probably would've won."

"Are you complaining, Sidle? I can stop, since I remember I am just so replaceable by your special friend."

Sara answered by grabbing his hand and replacing it on her chest again.

"No, mon." She said in a Jamaican accent. Nick smiled and then continued his exploration of her body, and all Sara could think was that this was the best runner-up prize ever.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey! I decided to continue this on a whim. I was reading someone's story, can't remember whose, and they were playing 'Two Line Vocabulary' from Whose Line, and it gave me an idea. This is what happens when the guys of the lab get bored….please review.

Though they hated to admit it, the guys of CSI were bored out of their minds. There had been a crime drought, so to say, for the last week or so. For some reason, no one felt like killing, or stealing, or committing fraud. Greg, Nick, and Warrick enjoyed their work, but not because people were committing crimes. They never thought they'd wish for more crime, but they were bored out of their minds.

The three young CSI's were sitting around the break room table snacking on Chex Mix, sipping sodas one uneventful night. They'd all had to recently put up with the girls' antics, with their "Office Game". Nick had already delivered a certain kind of payback to Sara, but ideas were stirring in his mind.

"Have you guys ever seen Whose Line is it Anyway?" Nick finally asked, when the conversation about the latest video games wound down.

"A couple times." Greg answered. "Why, do you have a crush on Drew Carey?"

Nick punched Greg in the stomach at the comment and laughed.

"You know that game, 'If You Know What I Mean'?" Nick asked, recalling the game from the television show.

"No, man. What is it?" Warrick asked, peering at him, slouched down on the chair.

"Well you have to work as many sexual innuendos into regular conversation as you can."

"You mean regular things that could be interpreted as dirty?" Warrick clarified, smiling.

"Yeah. Working here, there's got to be tons!" Nick figured. "So, what do you say? Most comments by the end of the night wins?"

"I'm in." Greg agreed, giving Nick a handshake.

"Y'all are crazy, but I'm in. This sucks." He commented on the less than exciting night. They all laughed and began contemplating in their minds what they would say. Sara walked in to get a soda.

"Solving all the world's crimes?" She commented, rolling her eyes.

"Hey! I've solved more crimes this week than you did all month!" Nick stabbed pack at her, not knowing if it was true or not. He just wanted ammo.

"Please! You've jacked off more times than you've solved crimes!" Sara finished before leaving the room. She heard a loud "oooooh!" from Greg and Warrick as she left, causing her to smile widely. Sara knew she'd pay for that later. Not that she minded.

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Catherine and Warrick were at a gun shop in downtown Las Vegas, where a few items had been stolen hours before. The owner had just left them in the back room as he checked his stock.

"I don't understand people who get their jollies off collecting guns. What's the point?"

"Don't dis it. Why do you collect clothing?"

"That is so not the same." Catherine defended herself, huffing. Just then, the wife of the owner walked in and introduced herself quickly. She was quite something else, if he didn't mind saying. As she left, he turned back to Catherine.

"I'd like to check the butt of her gun, if you know what I mean."

Catherine backhanded him, shocked that he'd actually say something like that at a crime scene. One point for Warrick.

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Greg, Nick and Sara were at a crime scene at the Bellagio. A young woman had been reported missing from her hotel room. Sara photographed the scene and Nick collected fibers from the floor, as Greg dusted for prints.

"She did not want to go." Sara commented, on all the strewn about items, indicating a struggle.

"Such a shame. She's got quite a pair of twins." Greg observed, looking at her picture.

Sara's face contorted in disgust, but amusement at his comment. Nick laughed out loud.

"She_ is_ hot, Sara." Nick commented, checking the girl out.

"Do you want any tonight or not? This is a crime scene. She is missing and you're talking about her rack?"

"Well, I would have liked to collect my own vaginal swab, if you know what I mean." Greg said, trying not to laugh.

"And it looks like she might want to have her mouth swabbed when she's up to it, if you know what I mean." Nick added.

"You guys are sick!"

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

"So what the hell are you three up to?" Sara asked Nick as they found each other in the break room later that night. Nick caught her wrist as she went to the fridge, and pulled her back flush against his chest. He was looking extra dreamy and suave tonight, and he let his lips hover around hers, lighting brushing them against hers before he kissed her softly and tenderly. Nick looked like he was about to reveal some sort of epiphany, but that was far from reality.

"I'm not telling." He said bluntly. Sara pushed him in the chest, giving him an unbelievable look.

"Why not? I told you! I can tell you're up to something."

"I had to do a fair amount of bribing to squeeze it out of you. I think the same favor should be returned." He smirked.

"In your dreams, hick boy. I don't care that much." Sara told him, as she swigged back some water and headed for the door.

"You'll regret that!" He called after her.

"Whatever!" She yelled back from the hall.

Warrick walked in for a refreshment also.

"I'd like to raise her heart rate, if you know what I mean." Nick told him, taking a seat at the table. Warrick joined him, and thought of a new one to say.

"Well, I think Grissom would like to debrief you, if you know what I mean." Warrick told him as he sat. Nick gave him a disgusted look.

"Grissom wants me in a biblical sense?"

"No, man!" Warrick rolled his eyes. "He wants to actually debrief you on the case! He wants the low-down!"

"Oh! Then why did you say, 'If you know what I Mean'?"

"Just go, dumbass!" He nodded towards the door. How he swept Sara Sidle off her feet, he'd never know. Sometimes he was one French fry short of a happy meal.

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Later that evening, Nick, Greg and Catherine were working in the evidence room on a case from earlier.

"So how's your game?" Nick asked, knowing Catherine had no idea what they were discussing.

"It's tighter than spandex." Greg dedpanned. "I have four points."

"Yeah, maybe decade-old spandex. I have six points." Nick informed him, looking mighty smug. "I believe I am in the lead."

"Are you talking about the number of times you've screwed up tonight?" Catherine asked them from across the table.

Greg looked insulted.

"I'll have you know, the guys have devised a game of their own, which is much better than that little office game I heard about."

"What, is it most number of chicks lost due to stupidity or self-involvement?"

"Warrick's playing that game." Nick chuckled, knowing he had it bad for Catherine, but was too chicken to do anything about it.

"Well, you tell him he's doing a good job." Catherine smirked as she left the room to go find Grissom. She knew he wasn't playing whatever idiotic game they'd picked up.

"Man, Warrick would like to recover her body, if you know what I mean." Greg said.

"I know what you mean." Nick agreed, nodding. "He'd like to pull a double with her too, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I _know_ what _you_ mean!"

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

Warrick, Nick, and Greg had all been called into Grissom's office. They were all currently sitting in chairs in front of his bugged-out desk, waiting for him to arrive. None of them knew what it was about, but they'd seen the girls snickering at them before they'd gone in. Friggin' chicks.

Grissom entered and closed the door somewhat loudly behind him, walking over to his desk. He threw down a file he'd been carrying and leaned back in his chair.

"So, guys. Who wants to explain what in God's name is going on around here?"

The guys looked between each other, confused. They didn't know what they were in trouble for, and didn't want to spill everything. Was it the porn magazines? The video games? The betting?

"Let me elaborate." Gil gestured with one hand. "I've had reports of multiple inappropriate comments made to female employees today. Any explanation?"

The guys looked at each other again, like they were eight years old and had just been sent to the principal's office for roughhousing.

"Weeeeeee may know something about that." Nick started, scratching under his jawline.

"And what would that be?" Grissom waited patiently and smiled, dying for the explanation. Nick looked at Warrick for help.

"Well, there's not been much to do lately, so we came up with a little entertainment of our own."

Grissom stared back at them again, waiting.

"We've been playing a game the last six hours. It's called, 'If You Know What I Mean'."

"And what's the point of this game of yours?"

The guys looked down, embarrassed. Since it was Nick's idea, he felt responsible.

"You're supposed to use as many sexual innuendos as possible in normal conversation."

Grissom didn't say anything, just stared back at them, tapping his pen on his desk, contemplating. That was always a horrible sign. You could hear a pin drop, and the guys were sweating bullets.

"So, let me get this straight. You're bored because there's no crimes to solve, since people are actually abiding by the laws. Instead of being happy about it and doing backed-up paperwork, you decide it would be humorous to make sexual comments to female coworkers. Are you out of your minds?"

The guys didn't dare say anything.

"Do you know that could mean sexual harassment? People suing us for your inappropriate comments? Not to mention ethics?" He was raising his voice, which he never did. "I hope you had a good time, because I am putting an end to it right now!" Gil told them sternly.

"We're sorry, sir." Nick said first.

Greg and Warrick muttered the same thing, not making eye contact with their boss. This was worse than being in trouble with their parents.

"I'm putting an end to it after we get them back."

The three guys looked up at Grissom with hope, awe, and admiration. He had a huge grin plastered on his face, looking smug and brilliant.

"Are you serious?" Warrick questioned. "I thought you said…"

"Sara Sidle caused me to fall on my ass in this very room. They got us bad for an entire two weeks. We are going to plan the granddaddy of all paybacks tonight, gentlemen. Who's with me?"

They were shocked to say the least, that their no-nonsense, bug-obsessed, nerdy boss was actually in for it. He was going to help them out. Praise Grissom!

They all joined their hands together, like some wacky football team, signifying their commitment to the cause. Now they had to get planning.

CSI CSI CSI CSI CSI

"They thought they had us." Sara said, as the girls were sitting around the break room table later that night. They'd tattled on the guys to Grissom, and knew they'd be in big trouble. Not enough to get them fired, but to be reprimanded. They were eating Cheetos, thinking they were all that, when Nick walked in.

"Grissom wants to see everyone in the meeting room." He told them, looking solemn. After all, he had just been reprimanded. The girls all got up immediately, wondering what was so important. They filed into the meeting room where Warrick, Greg, and Grissom were already assembled.

"Take a seat, please." Grissom instructed them with a straight face. The girls looked confused, but sat down.

"Well, there's no easy way to say this." Grissom started, throwing his glasses on the table. "Due to the actions you ladies informed me about Warrick, Greg, and Nick, the department is being put under investigation. Officers will be coming in shortly to take our statements, and there will be a full investigation into the ethics and relationships within this department."

"What?" They all yelled, shocked. How had it come to this?

"Grissom!" Sara started. "You can't allow that! I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal, was it?"

"It's sexual harassment, Sara. Yes it is. You made that very clear when you three brought this to me."

Grissom looked between Sara, Catherine, and Mia with concern. They didn't know what to say.

"Grissom, you have to reconsider. We don't want them being investigated."

"Not just them, you too. The entire department, like I said. Sara, your relationship with Nick will be scrutinized, and any other flirting and dating that has gone on. So you better get your stories straight soon. They'll be here in…" He glanced at his watch, "Ooooh, fifteen minutes."

They all gaped at the speed this was happening. The guys looked really upset, because they would be in the most trouble. There was no denying what they'd done.

"It's protocol to take this to Ecklie, so we can't get out of this. This is exactly what he'd be doing."

"Ecklie's a friggin' fudgepacking asshole!" Catherine yelled, covering her mouth immediately after she said it. "I mean…he likes to bake fudge, and donkeys are his favorite…."

"Save it, Catherine. This is my call."

"But we didn't mean it!" Mia jumped in. "We were just playing around to get them back!"

Grissom crossed his arms and smiled, along with Greg, Warrick, and Nick. They had them. They got 'em good.

"Oh really?" Grissom asked, interested. "And why were they getting you back?"

"We know he knows." Greg said smugly. "And know you know we know he knows."

The girls all gave him a confused look.

"You are so busted." Nick told them, looking at Sara in particular.

"You mean there's no investigation?" Mia asked, looking relieved and scared at the same time.

"Well, we might need to investigate your consumption of Blue Hawaiian Coffee and your bowel movements." He told Mia. "And Sara, perhaps your ability to count and your mental health. And we don't want to exclude Catherine. How's your running, vacuuming, and pledge-saying abilities going?"

The guys all smiled at the girls, who looked mortified. They'd been caught too.

"There's no investigation, but it's time to put an end to our fun. We had our kicks, but it's time to get back to business. I know it's boring, but if you have down time, you need to catch up on paperwork. Dismissed."

The five CSI's and DNA analyst got up, taking a big breath of relief, and smirking. It was worth it. It was totally worth it. Now they'd have something to joke about for awhile and give each other crap over.

As they all streamed out, Catherine whispered to Sara.

"So, how _does_ Nick look in tights?"

"A sausage and meatballs, if you know what I mean." Sara winked, and they all went back to their jobs.

A/N: So, I know that was a little sick, but I hope you enjoyed it. This is actually the end now.


End file.
